The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he
slept: and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And
the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought
her unto the man. And Adam said: This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my
flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore,
shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 2, 21-24
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and
likewise the wife to her
husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone
but also to her husband. In the
same way, the husband’s body does not belong to
him alone but also to his wife.
1 Corinthians 7, 3-4
In the
Catholic faith, Holy Matrimony is one of the two sacraments of service along
with Holy Orders. Marriage is both a sacrament and a vocation. God is the
author of marriage in the order of creation. “The vocation to marriage is
written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the
Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations
it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social
structures, and spiritual attitudes” (Catechism of the Catholic Church,
1603). By vocation, the Catholic Church means a call to persons to accomplish a
task that has been preordained by God in the economy of salvation. Archbishop
J. Francis Stafford tells us, “The highest joy in life for a Christian is
searching out, discovering, and pursuing the purpose for which God called him
into existence. The idea of vocation implies and demands a larger design to
life.”
The
mutual love between spouses mirrors the “absolute and unfailing love” God has
for humanity. This love that God blesses “is intended to be fruitful and to be
realized in the common work of watching over creation” (CCC, 1604). Thus,
marriage as a divine vocation or service ordered by the will of God requires
unity and fruitfulness. Spouses are called to grow daily in their communion
through constant fidelity to their marriage vow of complete mutual self-giving.
Marriage is created by God, so the spouses are called to a perpetual, faithful,
and fruitful union directed toward the well-being of the spouses and their
offspring. The dissolution of a marriage thwarts God’s purpose for it.
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Wives, subject yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
as Christ also is the head of the
church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is
subject
to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your
wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her,
having cleansed her by the
washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in
all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would
be holy and blameless. For
this reason, a man shall leave his father and his
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh.
Ephesians 5, 22-27, 31
In a
sacramental marriage, God’s love becomes present to the spouses in their total
union and also flows through them to their family and community. By their
permanent, faithful, and exclusive giving to each other, symbolized in their
conjugal relations and being fruitful, the couple reveals something of God’s
unconditional love. The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony involves their entire life
as they journey together through the better and the worse of marriage and
become more equipped to give to and receive from each other. Their life becomes
sacramental to the extent that the spouses cooperate with God’s action in their
life and perceive themselves as living “in Christ” and Christ living and acting
in them in how they relate to and treat each other. Conjugal love involves a
totality in which all the characteristics of the person enter. It aims to
achieve a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh,
extends to the formation of one heart, mind, and soul. This Christ-centered
love demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definitive mutual self-giving
and sacrifice, and it is open to fertility. A marriage that is no longer
sacramental is a failed marriage.
Holy
Matrimony is a sacrament of service. As such a sacrament, the devotion a
husband and a wife have to each other (and thereby to Christ) must mirror
Christ’s love and service to the Church. Through marriage, a couple is bound to
help build each other and their offspring up in faith, serve each other and the
Church and be faithful to each other until death. In Catholic teaching, there
are six character traits of faithfulness that should also be applied to
marriage: commitment, love, longsuffering, patience, endurance, and
steadfastness.
Marriage
is an exclusive lifetime partnership, so marriage must possess these
characteristics to be sacramental and successful. A sacramental marriage is
vocational and the spouses in this bond are called to discipleship. Thus,
“Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and
so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to
bear one another’s burdens, to ‘be subject to one another out of reverence for
Christ,’ [Eph 5:21] and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and
fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life, he gives them here on
earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb” (CCC, 1642). The love of
the spouses, that should mirror the love that Christ has for his Church and
the love we all should have for each other in our discipleship, “ requires of
its very nature, the unity, and indissolubility of the spouses’ community of
persons, which embraces their entire life: “so they are no longer two, but one
flesh.” They “are called to grow continually in their communion through
day-to-day fidelity to their marriage promise of total mutual self-giving. This
human communion is confirmed, purified, and completed by communion in Jesus
Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony” (CCC, 1644).
“By its
very nature conjugal love requires the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. This
is the consequence of the gift of themselves that they make to each other. Love
seeks to be definitive; it cannot be an arrangement “until further notice.” The
“intimate union of marriage, as a mutual giving of two persons, and the good of
the children, demand total fidelity from the spouses and require an unbreakable
union between them” (CCC, 1646). “The deepest reason is found in the fidelity
of God to his covenant, in that of Christ to his Church. Through the sacrament
of Matrimony, the spouses are enabled to represent this fidelity and give
witness to it. Through the sacrament, the indissolubility of marriage receives
a new and deeper meaning” (CCC 1647).
The Old
Testament addresses the fidelity and perpetuity of marriage and likens Yahweh’s
covenant with Israel to that between husband and wife. God created man and
woman out of love and commanded them to imitate His love in their relations
with each other. Man and woman were created for each other: “It is not good for
the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him. … The two of them
become one body.” (Gen 2:18, 24). Catholic teaching holds that all the
sacraments bestow grace on those who receive them with the proper disposition.
Grace is a way of describing how God shares His divine life with us and gives
us the help we need to live as followers of Christ. In marriage, the grace of
this sacrament brings to the spouses the particular help they need to be
faithful to each other and to be good parents. It also helps a couple to serve
others beyond their immediate family and to show the community that a loving
and lasting marriage is both desirable and possible if centered in Christ.
The
Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is thus a covenant of love. Being married isn’t
just about having a “soul mate” or being with somebody for the sake of
practical convenience. Marriage isn’t a business arrangement or even a legal
contract. A marriage cannot be healthy or indissoluble in practice unless it is
a covenant of unconditional love, despite one’s partner’s imperfections, state
of health, or financial contributions. Marriage does not lie within the
criteria of a contract but rather that of a covenant. A fundamental difference
between a contract and a covenant is that a contract is divided between two
human parties and agreed upon as a matter of honor and personal security, and
legal proceedings are in place to enforce such private agreements. Each party
is more concerned about its own private interests. Unconditional love and
fidelity, and self-sacrifice aren’t part of the criteria for the signing of a
legal contract.
“The
consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive one another is sealed by
God himself. From their covenant arises “an institution, confirmed by the
divine law, . . . even in the eyes of society.” The covenant between the
spouses is integrated into God’s covenant with man: “Authentic married love is
caught up into divine love” (CCC, 1639). “Thus the marriage bond has been
established by God himself in such a way that a marriage concluded and
consummated between baptized persons can never be dissolved. This bond, which
results from the free human act of the spouses and their consummation of the
marriage, is a reality, henceforth irrevocable, and gives rise to a covenant
guaranteed by God’s fidelity. The Church does not have the power to contravene
this disposition of divine wisdom” (CCC, 1640). “” The unity of marriage,
distinctly recognized by our Lord, is made clear in the equal personal dignity
which must be accorded to man and wife in mutual and unreserved affection”
(CCC, 1645).
Jesus unequivocally taught the original meaning of the union of man and woman as his heavenly Father willed it from the beginning. Permission given by Moses to divorce one’s wife was a concession to the hardness of hearts. But the union of man and woman is indissoluble: God himself has determined it: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” (cf. Mt 19:3-10). “By coming to restore the original order of creation disturbed by sin, he himself gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God. It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to “receive” the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ. This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ’s cross, the source of all Christian life” (CCC, 1615).
The
exchange of consent between the spouses makes the marriage valid. If consent is
lacking, because of coercion or circumstantial pressure, there is no marriage
that can thereby be annulled by the Church. Consent must be canonically
expressed between two persons who are capable of giving it. The couple, by
their free, mutual consent, forms the marriage covenant. It is on this covenant
they build a life-long bond. While the sacrament is received at one moment in
real-time, sacramental grace continues to flow and be received throughout the
married couple’s lives. The offering of themselves to each other is a gift of
grace. Grace is added upon grace as they continue to grow in conjugal love and
bear the fruits of their marriage.
Thus,
marital consent is a free human act that isn’t based on individual
self-interest in which the man and the woman offer themselves to each other as
gifts of grace. The consent by which the spouses mutually give to each other
and receive is sealed by God. The covenant between the spouses is integrated
into God’s covenant with human beings. The four characteristics of a marriage
blessed by God through the administration of the sacrament are freedom of
consent, the totality of giving oneself to the other, faithfulness, and
fruitfulness. All these characteristics are grounded on and reinforced by the
greatest theological Christian virtue, which is unconditional love from which
flow kindness, gentleness, humility, patience, forbearance, honesty,
compassion, mercy, and understanding.
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Sacred
Scripture confirms Catholic tradition and the sacramental nature of matrimony.
We see that, from the beginning, man and woman are joined together by God and
become one body as husband and wife (Gen 2:20-24). A human body cannot be
divided or dismembered and still be animated with life. A husband and wife
share a single soul in one body in the order of God’s creation. God speaks
through His prophet and declares, ““For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God
of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the LORD of
armies. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously”
(Mal 2:16).
Indeed,
Jesus makes it clear that it is God who joins the husband and wife together,
according to His will. What God joins together must not be dissolved (Mt 19:6).
Our Lord actually says that whoever divorces and remarries another commits
adultery (Mt 19:9; Mk 10:11-12; Lk 16:18). This is an offense against the
natural law that has been established by God. Paul reiterates Jesus’ teaching
that sacramental marriage followed by a divorce and remarriage is adultery. The
apostle writes: ‘Thus a married woman is bound by the law to her husband as
long as he lives; but if her husband dies, she is discharged from the law
concerning the husband. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she
lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she
is free from that law, and if she marries another man, she is not an
adulteress’ (Rom 7:2-3; cf. 1 Cor 7:10-11).
The Lord
permits divorce only for porneia (πορνεία ). This Greek noun often
refers to unlawful sexual intercourse and non-sacramental unions such as
between siblings and other close family members (incest). The Lord does not
permit divorce for adultery (moicheia / μοιχεία) such as in the case of an
extra-marital affair. We should note that in unlawful cases, a marriage
(between a father and his daughter, for instance) never existed in the first
place, so the Lord is not actually permitting divorce but declaring a dissolution
of an unlawful union by annulling it as a non-existent marriage.
But to the married, I give instructions, not I, but the Lord,
that the wife is not to leave her husband (but
if she does leave, she must
remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and that the husband is
not to divorce his wife.
1 Corinthians 7, 10-11
Finally,
Paul says that the sacramental union of husband and wife is the image of Christ
and the Church. A husband and wife are inseparable as much as Christ the
Bridegroom and His Bride the Church are (Eph 5:22-32). A civil divorce cannot
dissolve a sacramental marriage between two baptized Christians. However, we
have what the Catholic Church calls the “Pauline privilege.” If two unbaptized
people marry, and afterward one of the spouses is baptized, the Christian is
free to remarry if the unbaptized spouse decides to end the marriage. This is
because the marriage between two unbaptized people is non-sacramental (1 Cor
7:12-15).
The
marital union of man and woman reflects Christ’s union with the Church at the
heavenly marriage supper (Rev 19:9). Those who get married in the Church must
first be baptized and understand this divine mystery. Just as Christ and the
Church have become one flesh through the sacrament of Holy Eucharist and the
union brings forth spiritual life for God’s children, a man and a woman become
one flesh and their union brings forth physical life for the Church. This
marital union is sacramental and thus indissoluble.
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Hence,
Holy Matrimony is one of the two sacraments of service. It is sacramental in
that the mutual love between spouses mirrors the absolute and unfailing love
God has for humanity, and Christ has for his bride the Church. The devotion a
husband and a wife have to each other must mirror Christ’s love and service to
the Church. In a sacramental marriage, God’s love becomes present to the
spouses in their total union and also flows through them to their family and
community.
By its
very vocational nature, then, marriage is ordered for the good of the couple,
as well as for the generation and education of children. Conjugal love involves
a totality in which all the characteristics of the person enter. It aims to
achieve a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh,
extends to the formation of one heart, mind, and soul. Conjugal love requires
the inviolable fidelity of the spouses. The Old Testament addresses the
fidelity and perpetuity of marriage and likens Yahweh’s covenant with Israel to
that between husband and wife. The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is thus a
covenant of love. The consent by which the spouses mutually give and receive
one another makes the marriage valid and is sealed by God Himself. It is by
following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that
spouses (disciples of Christ) will be able to receive the original meaning of
marriage and live it with the help of Christ.
Early Sacred Tradition
“Flee wicked arts; but all the more
discourse regarding them. Speak to my sisters, that they love
in our Lord, and
that their husbands be sufficient for them in the flesh and spirit. Then,
again,
charge my brethren in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that they love
their wives, as our Lord
His Church. If any man is able in power to continue in
purity, to the honor of the flesh of our
Lord, let him continue so without
boasting; if he boasts, he is undone; if he becomes known
apart from the
bishop, he has destroyed himself. It is becoming, therefore, to men and women
who marry, that they marry with the counsel of the bishop, that the marriage
may be in our
Lord, and not in lust. Let everything, therefore, be done for the
honor of God.”
St. Ignatius of Antioch, To Polycarp, 5
(A.D. 110)
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“Now that the Scripture counsels
marriage, and allows no release from the union, is expressly
contained in the
law, ‘Thou shalt not put away thy wife, except for the cause of fornication;’
and it regards as fornication, the marriage of those separated while the other
is alive. Not to
deck and adorn herself beyond what is becoming, renders a wife
free of calumnious suspicion
while she devotes herself assiduously to prayers
and supplications; avoiding frequent
departures from the house, and shutting
herself up as far as possible from the view of all not
related to her, and
deeming housekeeping of more consequence than impertinent trifling. ‘He
that
taketh a woman that has been put away,’ it is said, ‘committeth adultery; and
if one puts
away his wife, he makes her an adulteress,’ that is, compels her to
commit adultery. And not
only is he who puts her away guilty of this, but he
who takes her, by giving to the woman the
opportunity of sinning; for did he
not take her, she would return to her husband.”
St. Clement of Alexandria, Stromata, 2:24
(A.D. 202)
“‘What therefore God hath joined
together, let not man put asunder.’ See a teacher’s wisdom. I
mean, that being
asked, Is it lawful? He did not at once say, It is not lawful, lest they should
be
disturbed and put in disorder, but before the decision by His argument He
rendered this
manifest, showing that it is itself too the commandment of His
Father, and that not in
opposition to Moses did He enjoin these things, but in
full agreement with him. But mark Him
arguing strongly not from the creation
only, but also from His command. For He said not that
He made one man and one
woman only, but that He also gave this command that the one man
should be
joined to the one woman. But if it had been His will that he should put this
one away,
and bring in another, when He had made one man, He would have formed
many Women. But
now both by the manner of the creation, and by the manner of
lawgiving, He showed that one
man must dwell with one woman continually, and
never break off from her.”
St. John Chrysostom, On Matthew 62:1
(A.D. 370)
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“There is hardly anything more
deadly than being married to one who is a stranger to the faith,
where the
passions of lust and dissension and the evils of sacrilege are inflamed. Since
the
marriage ceremony ought to be sanctified by the priestly veiling and
blessing, how can that be
called a marriage ceremony where there is no
agreement in faith?”
St. Ambrose, To Vigilius, Letter 19:7
(A.D. 385)
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“Therefore the good of marriage
throughout all nations and all men stands in the occasion of
begetting, and
faith of chastity: but, so far as pertains unto the People of God, also in the
sanctity of the Sacrament, by reason of which it is unlawful for one who leaves
her husband,
even when she has been put away, to be married to another, so long
as her husband lives, no
not even for the sake of bearing children: and,
whereas this is the alone cause, wherefore
marriage takes place, not even where
that very thing, wherefore it takes place, follows not, is
the marriage bond
loosed, save by the death of the husband or wife.”
St. Augustine, On the Good of Marriage, 24:32
(A.D. 401)
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“Have you not read
that he who made them from the beginning made them male and
female… Have you
not read, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and
be
joined to his wife, and the two shall become one’? So they are no longer two
but one.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Matthew 19, 4-6
